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HOMEPAGE > ANGER/AGGRESSION, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND BULLYING

'A man who knows how to manage his anger is not a wimp but a person who sails smoothly through his life and women in general are very attracted to him. A woman who knows how to express her anger is generally less walked over and appears to be more attractive, because she oozes a self-worth. People who don't know how to express anger constructively make other peoples' lives a misery rather than creating a comfortable environment and they could do with brushing up their anger management skills in counselling or psychotherapy or be with equally angry people.'

What is anger?

Anger is yet another wonderful sensation, which is part of our emotional system and it can be useful and accepted and well responded to by others, if we know how, when and where to express it constructively, because it protects our integrity. However, if others often comment on your anger/aggression or you initiate frequent arguments and fall out with people, it may be that you are not expressing your anger constructively and you may therefore consider yourself for counselling to work on how to express anger constructively.

Why some people are more aggressive/angry than others?

My clients often ask me this question in the hope of uncovering a mystery of other people's unwanted aggression and they hope that finding the answer will help them resolve the conflicts but this is not always the case. The people who appear to be more aggressive than others may have been raised in an angry/aggressive environment and being angry/aggressive frequently may be a habit or the norm. The other reason, why someone might be frequently angry/aggressive may indicate a misery, bitterness, unhappiness or sadness. Some theories attribute too much anger/aggression to high testosterone levels, however, what this theory does not explain is for instance why highly aggressive successful corporate persons choose to be charming in some social situations and behave like a predator for instance at home with their partners?

Anger and counselling

If you are someone who finds themselves around a person who is frequently angry/aggressive and you are feeling lost, I will help you learn to protect yourself in a number of ways and I will help you develop your confidence. If you struggle to express your anger constructively I will help you to see how others perceive your anger: I will help you to understand what are causes of your frequent and destructive anger expressions and I will show you how you can express it in a constructive and a more attractive way.

People in angry relationships

Although destructive anger/aggression can be improved, it may be more complicated, time consuming and even time wasting working hard on your own to change things. Being around a person who regards oneself as overly self-important, because of one's self-greatness may mean that this person will rarely apologise and when they do say sorry will repeat the behaviour again and again. This person is therefore comfortably set in his / her ways and it will be much harder to change this person. This person may think of you and call you a sensitive wimp and will choose to ignore your pleas to stop the aggression. So if you are in a similar type of relationship, whether it be work, friendship or romance related, this may be an indication for you to realise that you are not a psychologist and even psychologists would consider a person who refuses to acknowledge her/his destructive behaviour and refuses to work on it as someone 'unsuitable for psychotherapy.'

Examples of inappropriate expression of frequent anger/aggression

Angry outburst in a public place, throwing things, pushing others, physical violence, slapping, hitting, passive aggressive behaviour and manipulation, shouting, gossiping, negative whispering, dismissing others, slamming the door, insults, too critical or too demanding, ignoring, excluding, avoidance, provoking frequent arguments, putting others down, ridiculing, secrets, silences etc...

Aggression in the workplace environment and bullying

Aggression in the work environment may be a direct result of a poor management style (in this context a manager managing a team). Did you know that victims of bullying had been found to have the same high stress levels as victims and survivors of 9/11 (Randall, 2001) ? Generally speaking, the morale and atmosphere in the team often reflect the manager's strengths and weaknesses. There is much evidence that poor management style sets the foundations for bullying in the work environment (Cooper et al, 2002). Unfortunately, there is no specific law in the UK that will directly protect victims of bullying. However, there are some outstanding companies that are sophisticated and understand the psychology of bullying and how this negatively impacts the company's departmental atmosphere, reputation and staff's overall performance. Dealing with workplace bullying can represent a substantial economic loss as it is related to costly shaming legal services, sick leave and investigations, which are time consuming and draining. It may be worthwhile to consider learning from your competitors how to deal effectively with highly aggressive staff that interfere with your staff's full potential to deliver. Consequently, you will keep your costs down and preserve your energy for something worthier and more constructive.

So, what did the research find about the sophisticated company's style of successful ways of dealing with bullying in the work environment? The person or people found to bully other members of staff are advised to go and see a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist (all the same family) to address their anger issues. This would lead to a simple and effective choice to either learn to manage anger in better ways if the member of staff refuses, this would lead to dismissal instead. For more information or to book an appointment in relation to anger counselling or management contact Leona directly on lsears@westminsterpsychotherapy.co.uk.

References

Beck, A.T. (1999). Prisoners of hate. The cognitive basis of anger, hostility and violence. New York. HarperCollins Publishers.

Randall, P. (2001). Bullying in adulthood. Assessing the bullies and their victims. New York. Taylor and Francis.

Rayner , C., Hoel, H. and Cooper, C.L. (2002). Workplace bullying. What we know, who is to blame, and what we can do? London. Taylor and Francis.


Home Services Appointments Fees FAQ Who am I? What is CBT? Trauma Anger Counselling Psychology? Contact	HOMEPAGE > ANGER/AGGRESSION, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND BULLYING 'A man who knows how to manage his anger is not a wimp but a person who sails smoothly through his life and women in general are very attracted to him. A woman who knows how to express her anger is generally less walked over and appears to be more attractive, because she oozes a self-worth. People who don't know how to express anger constructively make other peoples' lives a misery rather than creating a comfortable environment and they could do with brushing up their anger management skills in counselling or psychotherapy or be with equally angry people.' What is anger? Anger is yet another wonderful sensation, which is part of our emotional system and it can be useful and accepted and well responded to by others, if we know how, when and where to express it constructively, because it protects our integrity. However, if others often comment on your anger/aggression or you initiate frequent arguments and fall out with people, it may be that you are not expressing your anger constructively and you may therefore consider yourself for counselling to work on how to express anger constructively. Why some people are more aggressive/angry than others? My clients often ask me this question in the hope of uncovering a mystery of other people's unwanted aggression and they hope that finding the answer will help them resolve the conflicts but this is not always the case. The people who appear to be more aggressive than others may have been raised in an angry/aggressive environment and being angry/aggressive frequently may be a habit or the norm. The other reason, why someone might be frequently angry/aggressive may indicate a misery, bitterness, unhappiness or sadness. Some theories attribute too much anger/aggression to high testosterone levels, however, what this theory does not explain is for instance why highly aggressive successful corporate persons choose to be charming in some social situations and behave like a predator for instance at home with their partners? Anger and counselling If you are someone who finds themselves around a person who is frequently angry/aggressive and you are feeling lost, I will help you learn to protect yourself in a number of ways and I will help you develop your confidence. If you struggle to express your anger constructively I will help you to see how others perceive your anger: I will help you to understand what are causes of your frequent and destructive anger expressions and I will show you how you can express it in a constructive and a more attractive way. People in angry relationships Although destructive anger/aggression can be improved, it may be more complicated, time consuming and even time wasting working hard on your own to change things. Being around a person who regards oneself as overly self-important, because of one's self-greatness may mean that this person will rarely apologise and when they do say sorry will repeat the behaviour again and again. This person is therefore comfortably set in his / her ways and it will be much harder to change this person. This person may think of you and call you a sensitive wimp and will choose to ignore your pleas to stop the aggression. So if you are in a similar type of relationship, whether it be work, friendship or romance related, this may be an indication for you to realise that you are not a psychologist and even psychologists would consider a person who refuses to acknowledge her/his destructive behaviour and refuses to work on it as someone 'unsuitable for psychotherapy.' Examples of inappropriate expression of frequent anger/aggression Angry outburst in a public place, throwing things, pushing others, physical violence, slapping, hitting, passive aggressive behaviour and manipulation, shouting, gossiping, negative whispering, dismissing others, slamming the door, insults, too critical or too demanding, ignoring, excluding, avoidance, provoking frequent arguments, putting others down, ridiculing, secrets, silences etc... Aggression in the workplace environment and bullying Aggression in the work environment may be a direct result of a poor management style (in this context a manager managing a team). Did you know that victims of bullying had been found to have the same high stress levels as victims and survivors of 9/11 (Randall, 2001) ? Generally speaking, the morale and atmosphere in the team often reflect the manager's strengths and weaknesses. There is much evidence that poor management style sets the foundations for bullying in the work environment (Cooper et al, 2002). Unfortunately, there is no specific law in the UK that will directly protect victims of bullying. However, there are some outstanding companies that are sophisticated and understand the psychology of bullying and how this negatively impacts the company's departmental atmosphere, reputation and staff's overall performance. Dealing with workplace bullying can represent a substantial economic loss as it is related to costly shaming legal services, sick leave and investigations, which are time consuming and draining. It may be worthwhile to consider learning from your competitors how to deal effectively with highly aggressive staff that interfere with your staff's full potential to deliver. Consequently, you will keep your costs down and preserve your energy for something worthier and more constructive. So, what did the research find about the sophisticated company's style of successful ways of dealing with bullying in the work environment? The person or people found to bully other members of staff are advised to go and see a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychologist (all the same family) to address their anger issues. This would lead to a simple and effective choice to either learn to manage anger in better ways if the member of staff refuses, this would lead to dismissal instead. For more information or to book an appointment in relation to anger counselling or management contact Leona directly on lsears@westminsterpsychotherapy.co.uk. References Beck, A.T. (1999). Prisoners of hate. The cognitive basis of anger, hostility and violence. New York. HarperCollins Publishers. Randall, P. (2001). Bullying in adulthood. Assessing the bullies and their victims. New York. Taylor and Francis. Rayner , C., Hoel, H. and Cooper, C.L. (2002). Workplace bullying. What we know, who is to blame, and what we can do? London. Taylor and Francis.
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